hating life, even as a child

Even as a child, I remember hating life. I would look at other little girls and think, they seem happy. I'm always sad.
I didn't have friends at school. I didn't want anyone to guess what was going on in my life. I had a secret. And it was a bad secret. It was one that made me ugly on the inside, so I was ugly on the outside. I would stand on the play ground away from the other kids and watch them. I wouldn't play games unless the teachers would make me. I didn't want anyone to guess my secerts. I wasn't smart in school. I had to struggle for every thing I could learn. If I got a D that was my best. I remember studing for a spelling test right before school, then getting to school, and taking it, and still missing most of the words. I was a dumb kid. And I was even a dumber kid at home. My brother was very smart in school and didn't even have to apply himself. He got straight A's when he tried. My sister was also a good student.