Tucson

You'll know, if you can't read a map, and you've never driven some place before, and there is road construction everywhere it makes for a disaster!!!

OK, 9 miles from airport to hotel. About a 20 minute drive according to map quest. WRONG!

Especially for someone who can't read a map. Well, it only took me an two hours to get to it. I could see it from one side of the hi way, but couldn't get to it because of the road construction. Four tries and a head ace later, I finally found the right street that went all the way over. So Thank Jesus we finally made it, I was told I couldn't check in until 3 pm. It was only 1. I told the kid it just took me two hours to get here, and he said, "yep, this construction is a mess." Wow, he sure felt sorry for  me! So I get back in my car and start laughing. Now what? Now what? I pull over into the parking lot and just sat there with the air on. It felt good to relax, and just Thank the Lord for a safe trip. I knew then that if I had gotten my room, I would not have left the rest of the day, cause I was tired. I had taken an early flight, so I could use the rest of the day to work on business.

As I checked out the map, and seen I was near all the places I needed to visit, I tried to figured out how to get around the construction.

After 3 passes around the same road, I figured it out and got in the right lane. CRAZY!!!

First stop: Garden of Gethsemane

Wow, did this bring back memories. It was so peaceful walking around. You could feel the presents of the Lord. http://joeorman.shutterace.com/Bizarre/Bizarre_Gethsemane.html

The Santa Cruz river runs right beside the garden. When we were younger and walked to meet mom at her job, we would cross the river bed to get to town. Tucson is very dry,except during the rainy season which is mid June till the end of Sept. So the river bed is very dry the rest of the time. 

Next stop. 1016 W Alameda. The house where I told mom I was being "messed" with.

WOW, that brought all kinds of feelings. Some I really couldn't even explain.  I drove around the block a couple of times. Then I parked the car over on the next block and walked back. As I walked around the house taking pictures of the front and back, memories started flood my mind.

There was a peace, but at the same time, a deep feeling of I'm home or goodbye. I didn't understand it. I walked around the block two or three times until I was afraid someone would start thinking I was up to something. Most of the people I seen were Mexican, so I did kind of stick out walking around the same place several minutes.

I then drove the two blocks to the school I went to. I remember standing on the playground in the corner not playing with anyone, because I didn't want them guessing my "dirty" secret.

I wanted to walk around the playground, but since school was letting out, and it was mostly Hispanic children running around, I didn't think that would be a good idea. I didn't even set in my car long, for fear of someone thinking I was up to something. I had planned to come back later for a walk in the playground but it didn't happen.

So I went to A Mountain. Sitting up there looking down at the town,sure was a beutiful site. 

Renting a Car

 

At the car rental, the gentleman ask me if I had family or was this a business trip. I told him I lived here 40 years ago and just came back for a Short visit. He said well maybe this is just the beginning trip. I must have had ? on my face, because he said, "I think you'll be back to live soon." I just laughed and said, "Only if God moves me here." He said, "Well you know, that can happen." He then stated he had just the car for me. It's small and sassy like you and it even has a sun roof. I laughed and ask him are you calling me an air head? He laughed and said no, you just have such a positive attitude and a nice smile. Don't let any one take that from you. Finally got to the car and was trying to figure everything out. Man! is is a nice car.
OK, NOW THE FUN BEGINS!!

It was really funny how are these things were said to me, cause I'm not a people person, I stay to my self. I don't talk to strangers. And yet the Lord used all these different people to let me know that this trip was His plan. And He used mostly men to do it. As my testimony unfolds, I had (have) a BIG trust issue with men. Yet, that's who God has put in my path from Indy airport all during my trip.

Airports

Sitting at Indy airport at 4 am on 2/24/08 drinking orange juice, I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. I kind of was in my own little world. A man sitting at the next table said, "Good morning." I looked up and said, "Good morning."
He then started talking. One of the things he said was, there are so many stuck up people in this world any more your afraid to even say hi to some. But with that smile on your face and that sweat shirt (God Bless America) I knew you were a friendly person. (ME)?
We talked for a while and then he said, "have a good trip" and left. He came back in a bit and said they weren't open yet. (meaning security) I know, that's why I was still setting there!
Finally I was on the plane and on the way to Dallas, where I had a 2 hr layover.
While in Dallas, I sat at McDonald's. An older gentlemen sat across from me. He ask me if I was headed to warmer or colder climate? I told him I came from Cold IN & headed to warmer AZ. He said he was from Texas but headed to Mexico. He then ask did I have family or friends in Tucson. I told him I was on a business trip. (I didn't think he would understand that it was business with the Lord).
As we talked, he ask what kind of job I had. I told him I was in the ministry and we worked with homeless women and children. I told him about KRM and gave him the web site. One thing led to another and as we were talking about the Grace of God and how most of our women came to us drug and alcohol addicted the people around was listening. One lady moved over net to us and said, "Hope you don't mind, but I can't hear you all very well over there. And I hear you talking about our Lord and helping people on drugs." So she joined in on our conversation. There was n older gentleman next to me who was done eating but just sat there. Then the guy on the other side called someone and told them to listen. Neither of these men said anything to the 3 of us. Finally the gentleman who first started talking said he had to go catch his plane. We told him have a good flight an God Bless. The lady ask me if I knew him. Nope. She kind f laugh and said, "Well, sometimes when you talk about the Lord people run." I said, "yes, but then again just maybe what someone hears will help in their journey to  Him for the first time." The guy with the cell phone said something to the person on the phone,(first time he had spoken) then hung up. He looked at me and said, "Thank you,  and got up and left. The lady and I just looked at each other  and smiled. Finally the gentleman next to me started talking to the lady. I told them both to have a blessed day and I had to get to my plane. The trip from Dallas to Tucson was a 2 hr flight. But once on the plane a clumsy women (not me) fell over her suitcase and had to be treated. Since they used the first aid kit they had to wait on the maintenance to bring them another one.
Then there was a stewardess who got into it with a passenger and had to leave the plane. So we had to wait until they got another steward there before we could take off.
Finally we left without anymore trouble. And landed in Tucson.

Getting ready to go

I walked into Dave's office one day and sat down and said," God wants me to go to Tucson. But I'm not going, I'm going to FL like I usually do." Dave just looked at me and grinned.
Dave was my councilor. Some of the issues that we had worked on were those of child abuse that happened when I lived in Tucson. God was doing some big things in my life, and healing some mighty big wounds. But I had no intentions of going to Tucson to face the giants that I had left there 40 some years ago.
Dave said, "Why don't you tell me what your talking about. You look like your upset." I stated that I was. I told him that I had been studying and praying and God had been dealing with me about Tucson. It was about the time I went to FL each year to visit my niece, so I was looking up the plane fare. And Tucson kept coming to mind. My niece bought my ticket to FL, so I didn't have to worry about that, so I kept telling the Lord I didn't have the money to go  to Tucson anyway, even if I wanted to go.
Dave said did you look up the fare? I told him I look at a couple but not hotels or anything like that, cause I ain't going! Then he pulled his favorite phase on me! Are you going to do what you want, or what the Lord wants? I hated it when he ask me that!!
I said, "FINE, I'll see if I can fine something I can afford." Dave laughed and asked me what was my price range. I told him under $500 for the whole trip.
He ask me if I thought the Lord couldn't do it. I said, 'Of course not, I know He can do anything. I'm just hoping He sees fit not to."
Price for round trip, hotel, & car $248. That was for 3 days 4 nights.
A couple of reasons the Lord kept laying on my heart for going was:
1. I had to go back to the house where I told my mom about Frank.
2. I had to bury the little girl who had  died on the inside years ago, but still loss and
    without closure.
3. The little who girl who dreamed she could fly, was about to come true.
Wow, that's a lot to work on in 3 days.

Jumping around

I guess I'm kind of jumping around. But I'm writing as I'm thinking of things. That's how my mind works. I think the next big thing I want to write about is my trip to Tucson. I know there is lots of things in between my trip to Fl and Tucson. There was lots of pain and lots of healing.
Actually 5 years of learning to turn it over to the Lord. Learning to let go of the past. Learning to heal, to love God's way, to forgive...
Yep, there was 5 years between my FL trip where I met the loving Jesus, and my trip to Tucson, where I met the forgiving Jesus.

Scared of the dark

As a child I was locked in closets. That made me claustrophobic. Let me back up some.
My grandmother who took care of us while my mom worked, use to  lock me in the closet during the day. It was a very dark and scary place for a scared little girl. I can remember wetting my pants then getting whipped for that. So I learned to hold it all day.
I was told if I told mom, I would be in worst trouble. So in my  mind I couldn't even begin to think of what else she might do.
So I grew up  very scared of the dark. Even after I became a mother, I would wet my self before I would be able to go into a dark room to get to the bathroom if I was home alone. I couldn't go outside after dark, or even go near a door that led out doors.
I couldn't ride in an elevator. I couldn't shut a shower curtain to take a shower.
For several years, I couldn't even stand someone to hug me, it would take my breath away. It was like they were coking me.
The weird thing was, I had to have all the lights off if I was home alone, so I could see. I knew that  would give me the advantage over anyone if they were in the house.
I was very paranoid.
When healing started, the Lord didn't leave the closet out. His way of dealing with it was to take that little scared girl back to the dark closet. Let me explain. I had a closet in my house that had a sticky door nob. One day as I was praying and seeking the Lord, He led me to go into that closet. I shut the door. It stuck, I panic. I kicked the door in. Then a peace came over me. I felt the Holy Spirit say, "The little Brenda is stuck in the closet no more,  she is free."
He knows our hurts and pains. He knows how to set us free. Praise His Holy Name.

Jasmine's Birthday

4/2/11 Today is my granddaughter's 19th birthday. Wow, she has grown into a beautiful young lady! I remember when she was around 18 months  old. We would go to the house and she wouldn't talk to me, but want to go to the store and get M&M'S. She would hold her arms up, and I would pick her up, and carry her downstairs, and we would go to the store get candy and take her home. Bri never wanted to go at first. She was a tomboy, but loves to be a girly girl too. She Loves dresses, & shoes, but wouldn't wear shoes. Yet she wanted to buy new shoes all the time. (Still does) To date, she has over a 100 pair!

She always loved to help me babysit. Like her grandma, she loves babies and small children!

She graduated high school mid term, but is going to walk down the isle with her class this June.

She is going to Business Collage in Indy this fall. She wants to be a medical student.

I am so proud of her, and so thankful God let me be her grandma. I love you, Jasmine.

Working on old post

I haven't written any new post lately because I've been updating my old post. I've been going back and writing things I remember in my older post.
I still have more to write in new post, but want to update old ones when I remember things in those time areas.
So that is the reason for not having new ones for the month of March, But I haven't given up. I'm just remembering more and more, and working kind of slow.